a step in the direction of courage
For the last 8 years my mind’s focus was completely on my children and rarely about myself. It’s ok. It’s not a problem, it is just what often happens during the beginnings of motherhood. Now that my last nursling is weaned and unlatched in many ways. I have felt myself unlatch and open. I feel opened, centered, and ready. The time of rest and centering on my children provided me with a perspective I am utilizing in my next steps. I feel like motherhood has provided me with a deeper empathy for our world and environment. Through childbirth and mothering I found my strength, and voice. And now, rounding the corner into my 40’s my voice strong, loud, and focused. But mostly, my fear is gone. I am not afraid to stand and speak and push back. I am not as easily convinced and am digging deeper for the answers I am seeking. Itching to go back to school, but not entirely sure what to pursue. My career as a RN (in a conventional sense) is likely over and I am ready to take on the next challenge of my life. I don’t want to do the same thing until I retire but build upon my knowledge, grow, and expand. I often thought of myself as one of those people who “don’t do things like change my career.” But I am coming to realize a life of fear and anxiety of change is not a life I want to lead. So here I am with my daughter speaking up. While the protest didn’t occur outside of Kare 11 because we were the only people to show up. I look back on that night and wish we could have just gotten out of the car and stood (even if alone) to make a statement. Not worried so much about the change is affect but just the principle of standing up and speaking. Each day is a step toward bravery. It wasn’t a failure but a step in the direction of courage. I hope I am teaching Amelia about courage, integrity, and conviction, while being open minded to change mid-stream if needed.