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Be Ok With Where You Are

February 1, 2012

I have a problem with this. A big problem. I am one of those who wants the change to happen now and kick myself for many past opportunities not taken. The feelings of discontent only intensified during the Healing Touch Workshop I attended this weekend. (Well attended only half, but we’ll get to that later.)

You see this was the second time I had taken this workshop, the first time was 11 years ago during nursing school. Back then, I had planned to graduate through the levels to either practice this energy integrative modality or educate others. Did I pursue the higher healing touch levels, nope. I got caught in the task driven world of nursing and put this all aside.  This weekend I asked my instructor how long he had been in practice. He said, 9 years. While that is a long time, I could have been more experienced than he had I just stuck with it. This frustrated me. It could be me doing research with the integrative care teams! It could be me teaching this class! It could be me in private practice!

 So I couldn’t complete the workshop for credit (see explaination below). Luckily the class coordinator is trying to find me a make up session. If all goes as planned I will attend a make-up session in time for Level 2 in August. If I stay on track by next year I should be able to officially practice on my patients and branch out my nursing practice to incorporate more integrative care. Woot Woot!

Funny how we come full circle in life huh?

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While talking to Guy, my husband, about this he said , “You need to be OK with where you currently are and stop beating yourself up. Don’t miss your opportunity now.”

Guy is right. (Yep you read that here, Guy is right.) I do need to be ok with where I am now, even though I want to change. This doesn’t mean the kind of “OKAY” that leads to complacency, but the kind of OK that leads to self-kindness and love. So, I didn’t pursue the higher levels 11 years ago. OK, but now I can. I need to stop thinking about all the time and experience lost, and think about all the other growth I did as a person through out those years.

Seven of the last eleven years were with Guy, and a lot of life has happened in my life over those years (Engagement, wedding, law school, kids, moving, lots of moving, new jobs, and post partum depression x2…) It wasn’t like I was just doing nothing. My life has been and still is, very full.

I am going to stop kicking myself for what I didn’t do in the past and start kicking my butt into action now. surrendering to the present while practicing  self-kindness and love. This also brings me back to my yoga practice of Santosha, which is a Sanskrit term for “being okay with what is.” and Ishvarapranidhana which is the Sanskrit term for “surrender”.

Dwelling on the past is really a waste of time and energy anyway right?

I need to meditate on Santosha and  Ishvarapranidhana, in regards to God’s timing.

(Guy also says I have control issues. Not that I like others to be subservient to me, but in that I like to know what is coming next.)

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Oh, so you might be wondering why did I only attended half of the Healing Touch workshop? Stomach flu. Yep, the damn stomach flu. Of all times to get the stomach flu this was not the best time.  (Santosha and  Ishvarapranidhana)

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I am wondering, what do you need to be ok with and surrender to now, even though you know it will change in the future? Do you have anything similar going on? I’d love to hear from you.

And remember: Santosha and  Ishvarapranidhana

Talk to you soon!

Kristina

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. CherieB permalink
    February 1, 2012 2:47 pm

    If you look at it a different way, what connection might you make by attending the make up session that you would have missed if you hadn’t had the stomach flu & finished level 1 this past weekend. Think of each patient you have touched that you may not have been there for if you had reached your goal of participating in integrative care teams by now. Your experiences to this point will allow you to have more empathy & passion for those you care for in the future….
    All from the fellow control freak who wants to know the path & every rock in it, don’t mind the rocks & turns just need to know where they are at. Thank you for encouraging others through your attempt to pursue Santosha & Ishvarapranidhana (yep I’m in need of it as well) it truly allows you to open yourself up to others when you achieve being ok w/ what is & achieving surrender to where the moment is now.

  2. February 28, 2012 4:12 pm

    I liked this. I often hear people (like my brother-in-law) say, about their lives, “Well, I’m 40, I can’t go back to school now. I wouldn’t be done until I was 44.” But here’s the thing… you’re going to be 44 anyway. Might as well be doing something worthwhile in the interim.

    Anyway, I too, seem to have the same control issues as you do (in wanting to know what is going to happen next). I’m the type of person who wouldn’t like a surprise party thrown for me. So, what do I need to surrender to now? Everything.

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