Along for the Read
Add Registered Nurse into the mix and alas, I am burning out. They call it the “burn-rate” meaning “the time a business has until it expends all saved equity”. I have expended my “burn-rate”. Yes, even this candle can only burn for so long before the fuel is consumed.
Call it Winter. Call it Fatigue. Call it Seasonal Affective Depression. Call it whatever-you-want. All I know is, I am seriously lacking motivation. I am tired and easily stressed-out. This tedious emotional lability is quite frustrating . This frustration is setting my family’s emotional barometer off the charts. (Perhaps a slight exaggeration, but you get my point.) And the cliché is true, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no body happy“.
In my profession ( and to do it well) I give of myself. I give a lot of myself. I dig in deep and most of my patience, kindness, compassion, empathy, listening abilities, and a confounding amount of multi-tasking/ task completion abilities are expended each shift. Add really caring about my patients and I am spent. I am completely spent. I wish I had more of my patience left for my children, but I spent hours reorienting and helping a patient in and out of bed the night before*. I wish I had more empathy and compassion left for my husband, but I spent the night before teaching a family what to expect while their mother/father slowly passed away*.
*FYI: These are not references to any actual recent patient or event. These are simply typical occurrences in the work-life of a RN.
I have hit my personal “burn-rate” and I am expending all my saved “emotional equity” at work at the expense of my family’s emotional health.
The cliché true, “We often treat those closest to us the worst”.
I am guilty. I am oh SO guilty.
This brings me back to the beginning….
Suppose I need to take a couple things off my plate (for now) and divest myself emotionally from work a little in order to invest more into my family.
So what gives? I want to do so much. If I learned one thing from caring for dying people. Carpe Diem!
Thanks for coming along for the “Read”.
What do you do to replenish your emotional equity?