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Let Go

October 27, 2010

Sitting here in bed, netbook on my lap, husband and infant purring, wind blowing so loudly, if I close my eyes I could mistake it for the ocean. Two baskets of laundry, albeit clean, overflowing balanced against each other. Diapers strung about on every piece of furniture, drying. Pack and play bassinet repurposed as a clean clothes catch-all. A stack of library books patiently waiting for my attention on the floor next to my bed. Children’s summer clothing neatly filed away for “next time” in plastic totes.

I close my eyes. Imagine the ocean for a moment. The wind licking my face, salty air, warm sun, sandy toes. I recollect the days I would sleep on the beaches of Orange County California after a long overnight shift at the hospital as an Oncology RN. Sleeping on the beach! My mother was horrified, worried I would be raped or murdered. All I remember was, peace. Peace in the rhythm, peace in the water, peace in the air, peace in the sleep. I was 22.

I close my eyes and imagine the ocean for a moment. Brought back to reality by my son, whimpering and suckling in his sleep. Again, eyes closed. Listening to the wind, imagining the ocean.

My mind drifts to this song by Imogene Heap, “Let Go”.

Drink up, baby down
Mmm, are you in or are you out
Leave your things behind
’cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble wrap
When you’ve no idea what you’re like

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow

Such boundless pleasure
We’ve no time for later now
You can’t await your own arrival
You’ve 20 seconds to comply

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it’s so amazing here
It’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

My subconscious definitely is communicating, “Let go, let it go Kristina.” “Be present where you are now, not where you have been, or where you are going to be. Stop. Look. Listen. Sit. Participate.”

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2010 9:43 am

    Very beautiful. ❤

    • October 27, 2010 6:03 pm

      Thanks…I just realized you just posted something similar. It must have been in my sleepy subconscious while pecking out the post at 1am.

  2. October 29, 2010 9:08 am

    Great Post!:) Love your stories

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